Monthly Archives: April 2012

It should be Evo first

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I was going to kiss my baby Evo goodbye when I saw his eyes fixated on the laptop placed by mommy near his crib. The music as well as the cartoons dancing before his eyes absolutely enthralled him. How attentively he listens on the nursery songs playing. He was so engrossed that he barely noticed me when I approached him to pat a gently kiss on his fluffy cheek. Oh how I miss the feel of his soft, plump, and smooth skin. Having flu last Sunday not only put me on a bedrest the entire day, it also banned me from kissing my son for days. By Monday, I had not recovered yet so I left without touching my little Evo. I didn’t want him to catch colds so we only played for a short while that day.

I didn’t want to leave home this morning. The sight of Evo acting if he is a captive trying to escape from being trapped in his cell (his crib) while keen on watching baby nursery videos is too irresistible. I just wanted to hold him, to sing for him his favorite phonics and numbers for the rest of the day. But I had to endure my longing; one last glimpse at Evo and then I left. On a regular day, I spend more time working in the office than playing with my baby. My thoughts are always occupied by him though. I always wonder how he was doing, did he finally say his first real word, can he sit now on his own? I feel sad when I think of not being the first to see his baby milestones only because I wasn’t home. I cannot tell when was the first time he baby-talked because I went back to work shortly after his third month. Even though bi kept telling me before to resign in my office of three years, I returned following the lapse of my maternity leave for practical or rather selfish reasons. And the opportunity cost has started taking its toll too since then. First, Evo started ignoring me at times. He’d rather bite his fingers than respond to me. I missed his longing for me. Next, transferring from Filipiniana office to ORMECO stopped me from going home during lunchtime to breastfeed him. This made Evo dependent on formula milk alone, thus draining my breast milk supply. I wanted to breastfeed him but can no longer perform this motherly task. Third, he had to move to and from different homes and nannies from time to time like my mama, tita Bless and lola Ett, mommy and daddy just to be taken good care of while bi & I are at work. Frequent change in his environment and his teething period I suppose had made my darling Evo sickly. He was even confined due to diarrhea merely two weeks ago, and has taken medications too plenty for his age just to recover. Whenever I come home every afternoon, he is either asleep or playing in his mommy lola’s bedroom. Then I would cradle him in my arms, look at those beautiful eyes, and express how sorry I was for my absence; how much I have missed him. Evo would smile back at me as if to say, “Mommy, I forgive you. I missed you too.”

I love my son so dearly. He resembles more of me as an infant except for his a bit chinky eyes, long permed lashes, and teeth-like gums. I think about resigning to be able to solely devote my time for him. But the thought of wholly depending our expenses on bi scares me. His tendency to nag about finances sometimes abhors me terribly. Then I think about my sister too. Had I resigned earlier, ate Gzeth could have relieved or assumed my position and not left for Bohol anymore. I have my reasons why I cannot resign just yet. Despite all of it, I still hope that one day I will find a home-based job with a lucrative pay or hit jackpot in the lottery so that I can give up my work as an employee. Either of the two will allow me to cuddle my bundle of joy whenever I want to.

Almost runaway

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The tedious tv shows playing on the tv late last night prompted me and my husband to go out for a drink. Driving daddy’s reliable SUV, we both headed to Anahaw resto for some beer & vodka. The beach side restaurant filled with different people is a common sight in Anahaw. Many well-to do folks go there for its cool ambiance, upbeat music, good food, and picturesque of the Calapan Port. (Anahaw should pay me for promoting them.) Thou it may be considered that those factors also appeal to our tastes, except for the crowded part, what actually brought us there last night is their slightly used billiards table and yummy sizzling mushroom. Drinking perhaps is our common bonding activity next to snuggling. I should be used to it now but no. Still, there were plenty times in the past that once he gets inebriated, he upsets me. The beach side restaurant filled with different people is a common sight in Anahaw. Many well-off folks go there for its cool ambiance, upbeat music, good food, and picturesque of the Calapan Port. (Anahaw should pay me for promoting them.) Thou it may be considered that those factors also appeal to our tastes, except for the crowded part, what actually brought us there last night was their slightly used billiards table and yummy sizzling mushroom.

Upon getting out of the car, bi ordered me to bend over to check if my cleavage flashes from my neckline. Annoyed, but still obeyed. It does not. Next, we headed straight to where the billiards table is to start playing but it was occupied. So instead, we just sat on the second to the last table. He ordered two beers, both downed shortly after 30 minutes. I had a Tanduay blue illusion vodka to keep pace somehow. Drinking perhaps is our common bonding activity next to snuggling. He always ends up drunk while I would always have to stay sober to sometimes drive for him. I should be used to his drinking fad by now but no. Still, there were plenty times that once he gets inebriated, he upsets me in the worst way possible; exactly the way he did again last night.

He shared how his subordinates reacted when they heard him comment about how ugly my hair was the other day. Tope said he shrugged it off in a cool tone saying, “Its better and less offensive that she hears negative criticisms from me instead of hearing those from other people.” And his stupid remark just ruined my night. Offended, I excused myself to the cr, looked at the mirror to fix my hair, then returned. I said, “I get flattered hearing from random people that I don’t look like a mom or that I still look like a teenager. But I get more flattery hearing peoples’ comments about us when we’re together; that you look like my dad or you look average when standing next to me.” I got his ego this time. He scowled and retorted who are they to say such, that I am nothing compared to him, that I am nobody if not for him. Shit. And the vitriolic strictures went on as he continues to spit on the wooden floorboard. He was clearly drunk. I was near to tears already when I threw water on his shirt, picked my tab and car keys, then scrammed. I knew I had to leave him there. He had to be castigated for his insolence.

I hurriedly started the car, turned on the headlights, hit reverse, and then made my way out of Anahaw’s parking area crying. Why does he have to be so cruel to me and Evo, and make him walk all the way home were all I can think of to retaliate myself. As I shifted the gear to segunda, I remembered that it will be our fifth year as a couple on Friday. I slowed down until I parked on the other side of the road not far from Anahaw. Alone with my thoughts, I was perplexed by my impulse. He stunned me with the veracity and fallacy of his words at the same time. He was right that I am a nobody but he was wrong when he said he made me someone. I was somebody when you met me, but being with you made me a nobody, and that’s the truth. Five years of being together, with my sacrifices of giving up my studies, career, and bearing his son; this is what I get, humiliation. Please tell me if five years of putting up with you is worth it? My hand trembled in indignation yet I patiently waited for him to find me. He arrived, sat in the backseat, and pretended feeling sorry. He will never remember our anniversary on Friday.

Evo’s first anniversary last Feb 7

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One lazy afternoon, a year ago at exactly 3:30PM, bi & I found out about Evo. He jumped for joy while I cried in fear because I knew right then that my life will change; that I’ll be a young mum soon! I couldn’t stop crying so bi wiped my tears, hugged me tightly (except my tummy area which he didn’t want to squeeze) and kept saying “Bebe, I love you. I love our baby & I am truly happy.” 

Now, we are doting parents to a healthy, cute, & well-behaved baby boy who recently turned 4months old. Evo is indeed a blessing and he has changed our lives for the better. We ♥ you anak:)

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

I posted this in my Facebook account last Feb 7 and amazingly had around 55 likes from families and friends! It means a lot to me letting everyone know that our son Evo has always been a blessing since the day we found out about him. I may have my worries and fears before but I have forgotten all of it the moment I felt him kick inside my tummy. I hope and pray that in God’s grace Tope & I can be the best parents to our little seraph. May he always be an angel to us. XOXO 

Underneath is my baby Trevor Vincent who recently turned 4months old. He’s one charming baby isn’t he?:)

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