Category Archives: Heart matters

This I promise you

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When I first laid eyes on you way back in high school, I thought to myself, “Ang yabang naman nitong taong ‘to.” Masyado ka kasing popular, maingay, masayahin at maporma. Truth is, parang artista ka sa JJ noon. It never occurred to me that we’ll ever get to know each other. We were different in many ways kasi friendly ka, loner ako, confident ka, coy ako. Nilalampasan lang natin noon ang isa’t isa at kailanman hindi mo ako nakita.

Six years later, college na tayo pareho when our paths finally crossed. You just saw me on TV then yun na, ginulat mo na ako kasi you tried to find a way to get introduced to me. Magpapakilala ka pa lang noon sakin, binara na kita by saying, “Oo, kilala kita. Ikaw yung mayabang noong high school.” It stunned you but that didn’t stop you from making friends with someone like me. From that day onwards, you never made me feel sad or left-out. You embraced my weaknesses and my strengths, and showered me with a love I’ve never felt before. You introduced me to your loving tropa, your kind parents, kay Bunik, kina Negro dog, Whitey at later sa anak nilang sina Juni. Tinuruan mo ako magbowling, mag-bilyar, pumili ng damit na hindi jologs, makipagbonding sa iba at kung anu-ano pa. Ikaw lang naman yung nagpakilala sakin, pero ang dami ng bonus. It made me cry the day you sheepishly admitted how much you have fallen in love with me. Hindi na ako loner kasi dumating ka sa buhay ko.

Looking back, I can’t help but smile; kasi yung lalaki palang sinasabing kong mayabang, sya pala yung lalaking mamahalin ko ng sobra-sobra. Sya pala yung magiging very best friend, kumare, cheerleader at defender ko. Yung mayabang na lalaki palang yun noon, sya na pala ang magiging pinaka-gwapong lalaki na nakilala ko. Almost 4 years later, ikaw na pala ang lalaki na magiging great half ko. Til now I keep asking myself, papano kung hindi ka kaya nakapanood ng newsline noon, magkakakilala pa rin kaya tayo? It was in God’s grace that our fates brought us together. It was truly magical.

Our love, it was one of a kind. It had surpassed a lot of trials. Kahit lagi tayo tumatakas noon kasi magagalit sina mama at papa satin, hindi pa rin tayo nagpaawat. Nalampasan na natin ang drama na yun, and I’m thankful na dumating satin ang stage na yun, kasi it helped us a lot. Kasi it made our relationship stronger. Kung yun nga nalampasan natin, how much more pa ang ibang pagsubok na darating satin di ba? In this celebration of our holy matrimony, we are not only sealing our love and union before God; God is here with us to remind us also that He blessed us with our wonderful families and friends who will constantly remind us that we should remain true to our vows that we will always be faithful and loving with each other.

Tope, I am so happy because although I didn’t ask for love, God gave me someone so special, someone I would gladly give my hopes, dreams and whole life for. I know I am truly blessed because God gave me YOU. Tope, I will always be here for you and for our child. I’m yours ‘til the day we breathe our last breath. I love you baby, in its deepest, purest sense. 

— This vow is somewhat a synthesized account of my hubby and I’s love story; how it blossomed, and the obstacles it surpassed. During our wedding ceremony, I can’t help but cry while telling him these words. The contents of our vows were our delightful surprise to each other that day.

Kiddie games I played and antics I had before

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Children nowadays are more into toying around their techie stuffs and toys rather than engaging themselves in real games with real playmates sweating themselves out in physical activities. We oftentimes find their lazy asses glued to their chairs; eyes facing their desktops, laptops, and tablets. He isn’t young a child anymore but in my hubby Tope’s case, NBA 2k11 on PS2. I may be a gadget geek now for possessing multi-functional stuffs like iPod, laptop, digicam, and tablet, but I am already old enough when I acquired these things. Though many times I’ve mentioned in my previous posts how much of a timid, homebody person I was, still, I had a fair share of a game-filled childhood: patintero, 10-20, and sikyo/gerbase. Name any of the then popular Pinoy games maybe I had played it once or twice. I bruised, cut, even scarred myself with these kiddie games and experiences. 

* I remember waking up in the heat of early summer morning in my grandparents’ house just to call out my cousin Denden & sister Jennifer to play Darna, Capt. Barbel and Dyesebel with me. After exhausting ourselves with this role-playing game of Pinoy superheroes fighting off imaginary enemies, we would retire under the shade of the huge mango tree and wait for lola Ett to serve our morning snacks, and lolo to listen to his scary stories.

* I played patintero during my elementary years in DWCC. I must say, they have the best grounds for this game. I remember slapping my classmate, Kristoffer Dela Cruz hard in the face for interfering with our intense game round. The mischievous boy cried and that mistake forced our hyped game to a quick end. As I am typing this, its funny that my husband goes by the same name of the poor boy I slapped some 14 years ago. 

* 10-20 scared the crap out of young girls  for making them believe that their boobies will grow fast and big if they play this a lot. I was in 2nd grade, still flat-chested when this game became popular. I was aware of this hearsay yet I ignored it. Who cares? I want to jump up, and down not to get boobs but to grow tall. 

* I remember playing tumbang preso once in front of our house when all of a sudden my parents popped out of the driveway and scolded my sisters and I to scurry home. All sweaty, and stinky, we were reprimanded, and given disciplinary actions/belt-slapped in the butt for disobeying rules not to get out of the house. Belt is scary shit alright but the joy of having tried even for once in my life a real challenging street Pinoy kiddie game is worth it. 

* Lutu-lutuan is the culprit why my neighbors always lose their precious flowers back then. One old neighbor would wonder where her newly blossomed rose or pink gumamela had gone right after she finished watering her garden. Blame it on me. I used to be the ruthless flower picker among my sisters. We once dreamt of becoming chefs by combining squished leaves and petals in a tiny frying pan. Out finished product looked pretty swell, but, unfortunately it can’t be eaten. We can only stare.

* Married, and at age 23 years now, I still sleep with a baby blanky that I took from my youngest brother Stephen when he was just barely a month old. It is color yellow, my then favorite color because of my sunny attitude ages ago. I just love it’s Bananas in Pajamas design, and we definitely shared a lot of good slumber together. 

* I learned how to bike when my cousin Jonas pushed me on a road to be able to bike on my own. I did scratch my knees and bled, but I quickly learned. Luckily, the scar faded but the biking skill remained instilled in me. It soon developed as a hobby. Wondering why I was so shiny, and bronzed back in elementary and high school? Blame it to my excessive biking activity.

Tope and I share this biking hobby. He used to have a pricey BMX which, at the moment, remains stocked in the garage. He still has a deep scar on his right elbow which he got from one of his biking road slip accident when he was 10. Our little Evo is gowing up so fast, before we know it, he’s already a toddler! Time flies so fast and we both want him to have the same simple gaming orientation bi & I used to have back in our days. Whatever games or toys Evo like, we could only hope that it would be the best for Evo.

 

Ostensibly blithe

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There are many unconventional things that apparently run my life. I have my share of insecurities and frustrations which are the paramount reasons why I am not propitious. Once hurt, I cringe in pain; afraid for others to see yet longing for someone to help to the extent of being taken advantage. I am not a happy person. I was born this way; filled with pain, grudge, and regret for my family’s bad decisions in the past.

I was left to fight on my own, to persevere alone. I equipped myself with what I presumed then as helpful tools. I thought it would help make me cheerful, and strong but I was wrong. I grew up thinking quite mature yet eccentric for my age. During my childhood, when kids were still busy playing hide and seek, I was keen on memorizing kiddie poems, and vocalizing. In my adolescence and teenager stage, others were busy socializing and experiencing puppy love while I was engrossed with the macabre; mummies, Egyptology, WW2 bloodbaths, and stories. Far from the mainstream, I have this inkling that someday I will be accepted the way I am. Gah, what the heck am I saying?

Almost runaway

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The tedious tv shows playing on the tv late last night prompted me and my husband to go out for a drink. Driving daddy’s reliable SUV, we both headed to Anahaw resto for some beer & vodka. The beach side restaurant filled with different people is a common sight in Anahaw. Many well-to do folks go there for its cool ambiance, upbeat music, good food, and picturesque of the Calapan Port. (Anahaw should pay me for promoting them.) Thou it may be considered that those factors also appeal to our tastes, except for the crowded part, what actually brought us there last night is their slightly used billiards table and yummy sizzling mushroom. Drinking perhaps is our common bonding activity next to snuggling. I should be used to it now but no. Still, there were plenty times in the past that once he gets inebriated, he upsets me. The beach side restaurant filled with different people is a common sight in Anahaw. Many well-off folks go there for its cool ambiance, upbeat music, good food, and picturesque of the Calapan Port. (Anahaw should pay me for promoting them.) Thou it may be considered that those factors also appeal to our tastes, except for the crowded part, what actually brought us there last night was their slightly used billiards table and yummy sizzling mushroom.

Upon getting out of the car, bi ordered me to bend over to check if my cleavage flashes from my neckline. Annoyed, but still obeyed. It does not. Next, we headed straight to where the billiards table is to start playing but it was occupied. So instead, we just sat on the second to the last table. He ordered two beers, both downed shortly after 30 minutes. I had a Tanduay blue illusion vodka to keep pace somehow. Drinking perhaps is our common bonding activity next to snuggling. He always ends up drunk while I would always have to stay sober to sometimes drive for him. I should be used to his drinking fad by now but no. Still, there were plenty times that once he gets inebriated, he upsets me in the worst way possible; exactly the way he did again last night.

He shared how his subordinates reacted when they heard him comment about how ugly my hair was the other day. Tope said he shrugged it off in a cool tone saying, “Its better and less offensive that she hears negative criticisms from me instead of hearing those from other people.” And his stupid remark just ruined my night. Offended, I excused myself to the cr, looked at the mirror to fix my hair, then returned. I said, “I get flattered hearing from random people that I don’t look like a mom or that I still look like a teenager. But I get more flattery hearing peoples’ comments about us when we’re together; that you look like my dad or you look average when standing next to me.” I got his ego this time. He scowled and retorted who are they to say such, that I am nothing compared to him, that I am nobody if not for him. Shit. And the vitriolic strictures went on as he continues to spit on the wooden floorboard. He was clearly drunk. I was near to tears already when I threw water on his shirt, picked my tab and car keys, then scrammed. I knew I had to leave him there. He had to be castigated for his insolence.

I hurriedly started the car, turned on the headlights, hit reverse, and then made my way out of Anahaw’s parking area crying. Why does he have to be so cruel to me and Evo, and make him walk all the way home were all I can think of to retaliate myself. As I shifted the gear to segunda, I remembered that it will be our fifth year as a couple on Friday. I slowed down until I parked on the other side of the road not far from Anahaw. Alone with my thoughts, I was perplexed by my impulse. He stunned me with the veracity and fallacy of his words at the same time. He was right that I am a nobody but he was wrong when he said he made me someone. I was somebody when you met me, but being with you made me a nobody, and that’s the truth. Five years of being together, with my sacrifices of giving up my studies, career, and bearing his son; this is what I get, humiliation. Please tell me if five years of putting up with you is worth it? My hand trembled in indignation yet I patiently waited for him to find me. He arrived, sat in the backseat, and pretended feeling sorry. He will never remember our anniversary on Friday.